[More old stuff. I kinda like this though, if only because it truly states my political beliefs. Enjoy!]
Every so often in fiction, you get the villain whose main weapon isn't a gun or sword or giant ray that turns things into butter. It's a villain who happens to be in charge of an entire country. Harder to attain than any Ultima Weapon, but it is worth the effort. You have an entire depot of nuclear weapons and you don't even need to go through all the effort to build them; let some poor prole catch radiation sickness, don't worry your pretty little head. Also, play your cards right and your country can become a major economic force, so if someone
does try and destabilise it, the global economy tanks like the Hindenburg. And, if you're charismatic enough, then you have millions ready to fight and die for you, and who will gladly vote anything you put through regardless of how evil you are.
Which brings me to the main point. I've noticed, and I'm not the only one to have noticed, that within comic books in particular, people have the habit of electing unambiguously evil bastards to office. In the DC Universe, there was a story-arc actually called "President Evil" that saw America hail to their new chief, Lex Luthor. Yes, I'm serious. They elected a bald, sociopathic evil genius with megalomania, whose defining goal in life is to kill Superman, who's basically the American dream in fucking motion. A guy who gave thousands of ordinary people superpowers and then took them away, killing the majority of them plus countless innocent bystanders, all just to test someone he had a hunch was a repowered Superman.
In
Promethea by Alan Moore, the possessed Mayor clearly has Malcolm Tucker on his side because he promises to bring "a new era of blackness" to the city and this clearly hasn't affected his approval rating. If anything, it's improved it, since before he was schizophrenic and involved in a sex scandal. (Politicians, take note: mental disorders are a way out of everything.) Video games are no exception to this either; Sorceress Edea in
Final Fantasy VIII, in her opening speech, insults and ridicules her people, even going so far as to kill the former president who happens to be standing by, and the crowd go nuts. Not with fear, but with excitement. They throw a fucking parade for her complete with guys doing the Thriller dance. And now we have David Cameron, an Auton assassin in disguise, as Prime Minister. Oh, and that other guy. His pasty white manservant, Niclegg.
 |
| Look into his eyes. His dead, soulless eyes... |
It occurs to me, based on a very thin observation of funny books, badly-written Japanese role-playing games and a guy I only think is evil, that people seem to like being run by assholes. Allow me to bring out my pretentious tosser cap out and refer you to a quote by C.S. Lewis: "
Of all tyrannies, a tyranny sincerely exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It would be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron's cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end for they do so with the approval of their own conscience."
This "robber baron effect" can be summarised thus: it's better to have someone who is obviously going to dick you over than someone who wants you safe as a ruler, because even supervillains take a break once in a while. Once someone's stolen your lunch money, at least they'll stop; but then you get the fussy schoolmarms who buy you lunch and then cut it up into safe non-chokeable pieces, and then feed them to you one at a time, having deprived of all flavour because it might get you excited and we don't want you running around, do we? You might hurt yourself. Forget what I said about Cameron being in the same league as Luthor; he wants to fix the country. And in doing so, we may find ourselves trapped under an Orwellian regime. New government would mean taking down the old policies, but Obama's been in the White House for a year now and he's only just closed Guantanamo Bay. I'd prefer living under someone who'll toy with me then stop due to boredom rather than a little girl constantly hugging me and cutting off my windpipe.
Hence why I'll be stepping forward for a future General Election as a Candidate for the Rainbows and Smiles Party (RSP) under the name Lord Nemesis, the Angel of the Abyss, the Beast That Is Named Dragon, Night-Lord and Prince of Lies. My first call of action is to ransack Australia, take everything that might be of use, and then depopulate the place. I want to put my stuff in there. Then we take Hong Kong back, and from there then China; they'll rule the world some day, so we might as well get my hands on it now before they suddenly realise this. Then we'll take Ireland, so I can put more of my stuff in there. Then we'll take America's lunchmoney and stuff them in the locker, see how they like it, and their land shall be ours again. Finally, a lucky 90% of the population will be deported to Mars to try and make it hospitable so my Empire can expand to there and I can declare myself King Crimson of the Principality of Earth and Cydonia. Some of you may die - actually, let's be honest, the majority of you
will die, but that's where overpopulation comes in handy - but it'll be a willing sacrifice so that I may live in comfort. The rest will be mining for gold in the Australian Outback. I know there's gold there, and I'm prepared to chuck many innocent lives at it to prove it.
And then we'll all live in a utopian society. If you're very, very good.
Failing that, I'm backing Cthulhu, Lord of R'lyeh, for President 2012.
